Funny Things Driving Instructors Say

We have all been there: you're desperate to pass your test and get your driving licence, and it all rests in the hands of your instructor. Now's the time for a serious attitude and total concentration, right? Think again! 

Maybe they're calming nerves without the learner even knowing it, but driving instructors all across the UK are known for their quips and anecdotes. So we've listed some of the funniest things said by instructors. Read on, and discover actual things instructors say during lessons. 

"Don't drive as I do or you'll fail"

Yep, that's what an instructor once said minutes into a first-ever driving lesson. 

"You're a great judge of gaps, but would you mind slowing down when you go through them?"

There isn't always a need for speed. 

"If you go any slower, this car is going to reverse."

We've all been a little too cautious during our first driving lesson. 

"No, I don't think we should get the sofa in yellow, Doris."

Nothing to do with driving, but from our experience, some instructors used to enjoy a good talk with their wives during a lesson. 

"Just think of the clutch as your crotch. You don't want to push down too hard on it."

Pretty self-explanatory, that one. 

"You're close to taking your test, but please stop getting distracted by dogs."

Who hasn't found themselves admiring a pooch while behind the wheel?

"Oh, no, no, no, no."

When you navigate the roundabout with just a bit too much enthusiasm. 

Instructor: "Do you see that big red thing in the distance?"

Learner: "The bus?"

Instructor: "Yes, the bus. Please don't hit it."

Big, red and a near miss.

"Take your time. Don't mind those losers behind you."

The support you need when you stall the car.

Honks horn "Hey, HEY, who do you think you are cutting up my learner like that."

Road rage knows no boundaries, even during a driving lesson. 

"Careful now."

When you grab the instructors leg by accident instead of the gear stick.

"I'm getting a bit teary here; that so was beautiful."

Sometimes that awesome parking manoeuvre you pulled off really delights your instructor. 

"Oh, you don't think you can pull off in second gear, do you? Think again, buddy."

They made their point.

"Can you pull over, please? I need to buy the wife some milk."

And there I was, thinking we were pulling over to practice reverse parking. 

"A slow car is a happy car."

The moment you realise it was a mistake changing driving instructors. 

"Well, we didn't hit anything today, so that's progress."

It's all about the small wins. 

"The good news is that we're both still alive. The bad news is that you have a long way to go."

You've gotta take the positives, right? 

"You'd be driving great if we were in France, but as we're in the UK, it might be worth moving over to the other side of the road."

Sacre bleu!

"Look in the car mirror. No, not at yourself."

The vanity is real.

Learner: "Oh no, I just hit the side mirror of that parked car. What should I do?"

Instructor: "KEEP DRIVING. KEEP DRIVING."

No proof, no truth. 

Finding the funny with your instructor

You've seen our driving experiences with an instructor who knows how to drop a funny line or two, but what about your own encounters? Let us know what hilarious things your driving instructor has said during a lesson in the comments.